Hello everyone. Today is a serious topic. It is about love. Since Dozer is rather stupid about love, I am going to talk about it. To be specific, I want to tell everyone that Dozer and I are in love!

Yes, I have heard that Dozer asked Daisy to be his Valentine. Well, it looks like Daisy and I might be rivals! And I won’t give up easy. Besides, look how close I am to Dozer.

That’s right, my love for Dozer is something only free treats can get in the way of!!

As it turns out, there were no free treats in the kitchen after all, but I’m sure it was an innocent mistake.

Hello dear readers!

A little while ago, Dozer’s friend Quizz tagged me to do the Honesty meme. Dozer hid this fact from me until just recently, evidently because he felt I was not honest enough for the task. After a “discussion” during which I repeatedly stole his toys from him, Dozer agreed to let me participate in the Honesty meme in exchange for his precious Tug Toy (I will destroy this toy some day, I swear it).

So, the goal of the Honesty meme is to tell ten honest things about one’s self. Here are ten honest things about me.

1. I love other dogs more than I love treats. Seriously. As long as they are nice dogs.
2. I like people, but I’m a little unsure around them. Sometimes I’m more comfortable when I’m being ignored.
3. It took a very long time for the Lady to convince me that tile floors were not evil.
4. I admit I am not totally, completely, 100% housetrained. Really, if carpets were not meant as toilets, why are they as soft as a well-kept lawn?
5. I am extraordinarily flexible when I feel like it. I can bend all sorts of ways.
6. My eyes are so yellow that people think my gaze is sort of creepy. I have not yet figured out how to use this to my advantage.
7. The Lady keeps trying to train me to do things. I’m not sure I want to do these things. Treats are nice but disobedience is better.
8. When I first came to this house, I didn’t really know what to do with toys. Now I LOVE toys! And also socks, towels, and pieces of paper. I do not know why the Lady does not approve of my love for those things.
9. I really want to eat the chickens in the back yard.
10. I love my big bro Dozer sooooo much!!! He is my best friend.

So there you have it. I think Dozer has already passed this meme around, but if you haven’t done it and you would like to, please be my guest! As long as you are honest, that is.

Well I am still working on making the most pathetik of the Pathetik Faces ever known on this plannet. Here is my most recent attempt.

Sooooo pathetik...

Unfortoonately this wuz implimented at the wrong time and the wrong place because you see I wuz alreddy getting treats when I did this and then Mummy sed oh Dozer you look kinda desperate do you need to go potty? So she stopped giving me treats and insted she made me go outsides. Shoot I reely should practiss more.

Well today I had a bathies and it wuz so awful. I always knows whats up cause Mummy goes in the bathroom and sez Dozer come on its time for bathies. She doesnt hide it at all. Then she takes off my collar so Im nekkid and then I knows she means it and Im so sad.

But Im always a Very Good Dawg so I always go into the shower by myself and Im very still and quiet for the bathies even tho I guess my sadness showed today cause Mummy sez oh Dozer why are you so pouty about this. Well gosh Mummy youre making me all wet and smelly so what do you expect? And even worse this time Mummy had to wash my behind cause she sed I wuznt doing a good job cleaning it!! Wut?!?! Well just so you knows the facts every time I try to clean it Mummy sez Dozer gross dont do that right now Im trying to eat! Sheesh.

Anyways once the torture part wuz over then it wuz time for the fun part which is the drying off. I luv the drying off I luv to roll around in the towels Mummy sez Im like a baby pig whatever that is cause I grunt and snort in the towels. Then I have to rub all over the bottom of Mummy and Daddys bed for sum reason I dont reely know why. But Old Lady Dawg used to do it so I does too.

And then after the drying off part wuz another awful part where Mummy pokes thangs down in my ear. She sez she is cleaning them ears but I liked it better when Old Lady Dawg cleaned my ears by licking insides of them. Mummy wont do that for sum reason.

And THEN the BEST PART OF ALL!! After all the bathies and drying off and ear cleaning THEN I get TREATS!!! Yes I get so many treats and they are delicious. And Mummy sez oh Dozer wut a good dawg you wuz so here is sum treats and I luv you sooo much.

I hate bathies but I sure luv afterwards yep.

Yes Mummy Im listening

I luv my Mummys voice she sounds like an angel even when she is saying something I dont really understand. She has a speshull voice just for me that is sweet and lovely. She sez Dozer aw you are sooo cute. Sometimes she laffs which means I did something good and she sez oh Dozer you are the dummest dumdum dawg ever I luv you silly dawg! Well Im not sure what dum means but since she is using that sweet voice when she sez it it must be something good.

Sometimes she uses an angree voice which Daddy sez sounds like a harpee screeching whatever that means. When I hear her angree voice I always runs into another room. I dont like her angree voice but she hardly never sez angree things to me cause Im always a good dog and always so cute. Plus she is a sucker for my cuteness. I guess Daddy is not cute enough cause she uses the angree voice on him a lot more and he cant run away or give her a cute face to make her laff.

Mummy doesnt never spank me not even if Im bad. But I dont really have any time to be bad cause Mummy is always watching me. If I am gonna do something wrong she says uh uh Dozer you may not. Then I dont do it cause Mummy sed not to. Mummy sez Im so good because Im old and she sez age makes me experienced with the rules and also too slow to cause trouble. But really I am good because I luv Mummys sweet voice and treats too.

Mummy sez all dawgs that are good like me live in houses with rules and Mummys and Daddys that pays atenshun to their dawgs. I knows there are sad dawgs that dont live in houses and also whose Mummys and Daddys dont pay no atenshun to them never cause we have some of those dawgs living next door. But I doesnt cares about them. I cares about my toys and my Mummy only.

Mummy sez Im a selfish jerk whatever that means but she sez it using her sweet voice.

Gosh I cant get the mail peoples to leave my Mummys paper box alone!

Ohmigosh a suspishus woman drived the white car and touched my Mummys paper box today! I was so suprised I didnt even bark. So even though in the past I skeered the mailman but now it seems theres lots of suspishus peoples to touch the box so even if I bark everyday and skeer them all therell still be more and more. Plus Mummy looked out the window with me and sed oh yay the mailmans here (yes I know it was a mailwoman but Mummy just says mailman even if it is a woman) and she petted me and tolled me I wuz a good dog for not barking and she waved her hand at the mailwoman too like she waves at my gramma and my Daddy and the peoples next door and other peoples she likes. So anyways now I think I wont bark anymore or maybe just bark real quiet cause I still think peoples who touch my Mummys stuff is suspishus and maybe one day Mummy will say oh Dozer you wuz right about that bad mail person he or she messed up my special paper box if only I had listened to you here is a treat for being so cute and perfect.

I knows when to trust peoples cause I am friends with anybodys who throw balls for me to catch. Also I am friends with peoples who give me treats especially when Mummy takes me to a place called a bank drive thru sometimes I get yummy treats from bank peoples. And none of those suspicious mail peoples do not do anything nice for me so they must be up to no good.