Well my pal Tucker tagged me fer a meme called Seven Reesuns Why I Am Awsum. Aktually it is not called that but I figger if it has a titul like that then I does not have to eksplane the rools rite?

So without enny further ado here are my seven reesuns:

1. I have a blak belt in Pathetik Face.
2. I am always a Very Good Dawg.
3. I am Very Good despite the temtashuns that my evel roommate Star sets before me.
4. I have a wikkid skar on my leg frum fiting off a lejion of ninja hedjhogs or so I am tolled (I dont remember cause I thinks I wuz beserking at the time).
5. I keeps the maleman frum braking into our howse by barking reel loud. But the pitza guy is welcom enny time!!
6. My sooper cool nikname in ajility wuz “TunnelBuster.” Gess why I does not do ajility ennymore.
7. The most importent reeson of all: My Mummy sez so.

Okay now of corse I have to pass this meme on to seven of my pals so I will choose these seven pals in randum order:

1. Honey
2. Addie and Lucie and Hailey
3. Brownie
4. Mina and/or Celeste
5. Woodrow, Sweetie, and MJ
6. Enny or all of the Prairie Dogs
7. Quizz

Okay now lets see if Mummy has taked enny cute pitchers of me lately…

Oh well aktually this wun is a slitely blurry pitcher of me rite before I kinda barfed a little in my mouth and I thinks it is posibull I wuz drunked.

You see I wuz not having a good day cause wen I wuz outsides I stepped in sum dawg poo prolly Stars that evel dawg and Mummy wuz mad cause I did not notiss and I walked in the howse and then I had to have my feets bathed by Angry Mummy.

Then after that I goed back outsides and finded a delishuss froot on the grownd called a cantalope and I eated an awful lot of it but it turned out that cantalope wuz a bit rotty. So I camed back in the howse with oranje stikky feets and an upsetted tummy and Angry Mummy had to bath my feets agin!

And after that cause I wuz not feeling good then wen Star getted all happy and dancey in my face bout sumthang stoopid I gived her the bitey face and tolled her off cause she is TOO DANG CHEERFULL and fer sum reeson that did not sit well with Mummy and I had to go to Time Out where I could sober up a bit.

But all of that does not cancel out the number 2 reeson why I am awsum.

The End!

Well I had a bug bite or sumthang on my footie and Mummy tolled me not to lick it but then she catched me licking it. It mite have been a bit bleedy by then. Ok mebbe a lot bleedy.

But I thinks Mummys reakshun wuz waaaay too seveer.

She sed sumthang like she shore as heck wuznt gonna take me to the v-e-t agin fer sum infekted bug bite so I have to ware the cone until the bite is all gone. Geeze Mummy wuts the big deel its not like youve spended all yer munny on the v-e-t I meen you had enuff munny to buy me sum foodies jest the other day!

Anyways I have finded a good use fer this Cone wich is to amplify my Pathetik Face Attak!

Reddy... aim....

FIRE!! Sooper Pathetik Face Cone Amplifikashun Attak!!!

Hmm um yeah that mite be a bit of drool there on the cone but that shuld jest make me even more pathetik rite?? Yes!!

I am shore this will crush Mummys hart of stone once and fer all. First the Milkbone boks then the wurld!!!

Well ladees and gentledawgs I thinks I have finally sukseeded. I have made the Wurlds Most Pathetik Face Ever.

However Mummy sez that wile I does look pathetik I only acheeved this goal using performance enhansing drugs. I am not shore wut she is refering to.

Well today I getted catched on the peeple bed! This is not a place fer dawgs ekcept when Mummy sez it is okay.

Oh uh um hi there Mummy hows it going?

Nacherally I did not want to get off the peeple bed. It wuz comfy!!! So I thinked I mite use my speshull abilitee: Pathetik Face!! Mebbe this will get me off the hook.

Pathetik Face Attak!! Oh I am sooo pitifull!!

I am very out of praktiss with Pathetik Face as you kin see. It did not work so good. So I tryed my next taktik: I Am Hurted!!

Oooohh I cannot get down. My leg is hurted!!

Mummy still did not seem convinsed. So I had to try my next taktik: I Am Sickies!!

AAACHOOOO!!!! Oh Mummy I am sickies!

This partikular taktik did not werk at all! So I tryed sumthang very very desperate: I Am Invisible!

I cant see you so you cant see me.

Finally I reelized there is only wun last opshun: Blame Star.

Look she duznt even feel gilty!! Bad Dawg!!!

Well my pal Dennis gived me this thang which is a meem and a pitcher. Here is the pitcher part:

And the meem part sez I must tell ten honest thangs bout myself. As I menshuned to Dennis this is why I did not allow Star to have this responsibilitee. Star is a known lier after pretending to be a stuffee surjen and also faking her own deth among other thangs.

Here is ten honest thangs bout myself:

1. I dont like leaving my house never. Its scary out there in that big wurld!
2. Once I thinked I wuz a tiny baby dawg and I tried to fit my hed through some stare railings and it did not fit! I wuz shocked and confoosed and Mummy had to reskue me.
3. Fer sum reeson big birds does not likes me. My Mummys duck wuz mean to me all the times and now my Mummys chiken pecks me in the eye. I run away! Birds are icky.
4. I luv the sun so much I am prolly part kitty.
5. I have only eskaped my yard one time when I was a little dawg. I ran down to the corner and then camed right back in just a few sekunds. Mummy wuz so unhappy and I never did it again. Course that mite be cause Mummy never lets me go outsides by myself anymore. Where is the trust Mummy sheesh??
6. I like to do flips when I am playing fetch. I am not very good at catching thangs when I flip. But I still do it cause it makes me look awesome.
7. I decided I didnt like popcorn a loooong time ago but Mummy still hasnt caught on and she keeps giving it to me as a treat. Bleah.
8. When I am bored I lick my feet until Mummy sez oh gross Dozer please stop licking it sounds so wet and nasty. Yes Mummy it is wet and nasty but whats a guy gotta do round here fer sum atenshun??
9. Mummy sez my brain is prolly the size of a walnut even tho my hed is the size of a watermellen. I dunno if thats true though so mebbe this doesnt count as an honest thang?
10. I only jumped on the cowch one time in my whole life and it wuz to eskape the terible vacum cleener of deth!! Since then I have been very carefull not to be trapped in the living room when Mummy brings out the vacum.

Whew that wuz reely very hard! Now I have to pick seven dawgs or mebbe peeples to do this meem. I am gonna pick:

1. Daisy the pit bull who honestlee looks like me and tells it like it is bout Milk Bones
2. Bobo and Meja who are honest bout the fact that they is not puppys but that does not stop peeple frum calling them puppys
3. Daisy the curly cat who is always always honest and good
4. Dannan who recently impursenated Sooperman and I am not shore if that wuz honest but dang it wuz funny
5. Quizz whose Mummy is an honest peeple
6. Mina or Celeste tho I am betting Mina will want to do this fer the same reeson I didnt let Star do this
7. Gus or Waldo or their Dog Mom whoever is most honest but no fighting to the deth to decide on that ha ha!

Okay now I guess I better get started licking my feet so I can get sum luvvin frum Mummy!

Pathetik face attack! You are helpless against it!

Well I am still working on making the most pathetik of the Pathetik Faces ever known on this plannet. Here is my most recent attempt.

Sooooo pathetik...

Unfortoonately this wuz implimented at the wrong time and the wrong place because you see I wuz alreddy getting treats when I did this and then Mummy sed oh Dozer you look kinda desperate do you need to go potty? So she stopped giving me treats and insted she made me go outsides. Shoot I reely should practiss more.

Well the sucker tonight wuz Daddy he gived me special foodies!

The little red thangs are Beggin Strips yum yum plus Daddy made gravy with hot water.

Then I had to put up with Daddy while he pretended to be a dawg and eat out of my bowl. Wut on earth is he doin?? He didnt reely eat the foodies. Sumtimes I think my Daddy is crazy.

Sheesh Daddy yer embarasing me get yer own bowl!

Anyways this is victory fer me cause all my pouting won me sum special foodies. Mummy keeps telling me Ive “played out” the pouting whatever that means but cleerly as you can see Daddy is still a sucker for it. However I do think this strategee is like Pathetik Face cause it will not work ferever.

Well Mummy sez I cant show you a pitcher of my boo boo cause its too gross for peoples who dont like blood and guts. Honestly it isnt much of nothing just a little bump thats been on my leg for ever and ever and when I wuz at the vet who I luv he sed oh its no big deel dont worry bout that little bitty bump. So Mummy didnt worry bout it and course I never worry bout nothing like that so we went on like always.

Well now I guess Mummy is worryed bout that bump cause yesterdays I acksidentally rubbed it and it started to bleed. Acktually this is the second time but after the first time the vet gave me a jigantik bandage and sed now that thang aint never gonna bleed no more but guess he wuz wrong bout that…

So I rubbed it while I wuz playing tumble with Daddy in the living room and Daddy dont notice much mebbe cause he always is eating or sleeping or thinking bout eating or sleeping so he didnt notice that the bump wuz bleeding. Well I didnt care much so I went about my bizness of running around the house playing with my toys and stuff. But then Mummy sawed me and she sed oh no Dozer oh no its everywhere look at the car pet!!! Well I like cars and Im a pet so I thinked hey mebbe we will go fer a ride but insted Mummy grabbed my collar and made me go into the food room called the kichen.

I dont like the kichen too much cause the floor isnt fuzzy and soft it is hard and cold and only good fer cooling off after fun times outsides. But then Mummy and Daddy wuz both unhappy and they grabbed me and wuz talkin to themselves and Mummy wuz running around and Daddy wuz petting me and telling me to stay in the kichen and sheesh I didnt know what the big deal wuz. Finally Mummy bringed some cloths and Daddy wrapped them all around my leg and the little bump. I never like those cloths but I leaves them alone cause Im a Very Good Dawg. Plus Mummy always watches me real close and she sez UH UH if I tries to lick them.

This turned out to be the perfect opportoonitee to use my Pathetik face so I did and Daddy gave me some super treats called Beggin Strips that Gramma bringed over while she wuz watching me. I luv these treats sooo much cause Mummy only gives me sum crunchy boring ones.

Well Mummy poured a liquid and rubbed on the fuzzy floor fer a very very long time after that and she did it in almost all the rooms and she grumbled a lot while she did it so I stayed away. Sumtimes I think Mummy is a little crazy.